Lupus...My story

Hello,

I am new to this site. I am a patient since november 2006. I suffer from Lupus which I didnt know I had until it attacked my kidneys.Been on dialysis almost 5 years. My father was suppose to donate his kidney to me but unfurtonately they found protein in his urine, so the transplant fell through. I  have been on rituxan for about 9 months and now waiting for labs next week to see if lupus is on remission frrom the infusion back in october. the infusion lasts about 6-7 mths so i might have to get another dose. M y rheumatologist basically said i would have to continue this every 6  months until Ifind a donor. I was  told that o+ is the hardest to match and also that the average wait is 5-7 years.

I have been  really depressed for a long time  and do not have alot of family support. It  seems like everyone pushes me away and well I feel helpless. I usually am in the hospital alone no one visits me. feel like im a burden. I try to stay hopeful but sometimes its easier said than done.  My family  is the type that is good  at telling you what you do wrong but never one to really help you. Like they will point out things im not supposeto eat so lately i been trying to buy and  cook my own things but somehow someone keeps eating my food, i dont think its fair, things like this really bother me. I  have tried telliing them how i feel in many forms but nothing seems to work.

ive practically lost hope it doesnt feel like i have  ever had a family, i dont feel support at all.